dear xanga

i've missed you.  sorry i have neglected you.

love,

joey

all i know is i dont want to feel like this anymore.

im in pennsylvania right now....i am drunk as shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt with old friends stephanie robyn phil and other awesome people.  nobody reads this crap so i think can post whatever the fuck i want to and you know what im saying when i say that because sometimes people are all like omg i cant post the truth in my xanga but im thinking thats the best idea at this current moment in time im thinking that sometimes theres more truth in how you feel than in anything else i miss you are you gone are you hanging on or have you let go i am happy to have you i dont know anymore i dont know anything i have met some great people in the past few months i have lost some people tonight i rediscovered but also discovered i lost some stuff im sorry for all that shit i say that doesnt make sense i shouldnt do drugs recreationally i should probably get checked out by professionals and all that bullshit that medical coverage tends to and my life isnt always real but sometimes reality hits me so hard and it molds me in the foundation of the latest constructions on the newly formed main roads off the major highways and i dont know where ill be or who ill be come june but what does that mean anyway smile like you mean it drink some alcohol because, right now, its probably the only thing that can make you feel like you are alright  do not take more than 10 tablets in a 24 hour i wish i could fly from here to you why are feelings so mixed up at this moment i feel so empowered typing this i keep making mistakes but i go back to correct them im listening to your favorites right now i want to write you a letter phil wants to pour drinks on me but im refusing that gonna write you a letter im gonna write you a book phil asks me "whats this."  i almost got arrested in west chester a few days ago but i didnt even though i breathalyzed to have alcohol in my system that borough hates me they issued 3 outstanding warrants for my arrest phil is tapping my shoulder incessantly phil doesnt feel so great i ask him whats wrong "i dont really feel so wonderful, i feel a little under the weather" dont we all he calls me cockeyed and wasted but i feel more sober than i have in several months robyn is throwing up in one bathroom and andrews in the other and phil needs to piss but andrew wants to fight him these pennsylvania kids were talking shit about jersey and how much it sucks they say we are bad at driving and that jersey smells like shit ive never really actually cared what any other state thinks of me besides everything they say is the truth anyway does that mean anything though i made an origami rose but the korean american club people are better i sprayed it with cologne for steph and also bought her dvds that was her vday present i hope you are happy and i hope you sleep well always i feel like time has stopped or its moving faster than i can think and move my hands and i dunnnno i just want to wake up and feel like everything is new but that wont happen i dont want this entry to time out it better not or i will be pissed off because it doesnt even allow me to copy and paste fucking xanga assholes and also jersey people arent bad drivers so that part wasnt true but some parts of jersey do smell like shit phil is cool as hell steph has weird drugs here that i dont want to take and nila was drinking smirnoff and got drunk and wanted sprite and fruit punch to mix it with q-tussi is a weird drug or something roses and medicinal soap or something i dont really understand but what does understanding really do for our hearts is it the dreams that make us real hajimemashite o negai shi masu sammi is here now im going to love all people she threw up for the first time ever in her life or something ok you know